Subsequent Bullshit

People are disgusting, and not just in the physical sense. The dictionary so helpfully defines the word disgusting as an adjective “arousing revulsion or strong indignation”. And truthfully, my current run with the human race as of late has left me with a crinkled nose and pursed lips; a facial position that I so fondly call my “sour lemon face”. But what’s sad about it, is that it’s not caused by something reasonably tangible and (relatively) fixable like greasy hair or unfortunate body odor. It’s caused by something far more difficult to change: pure indignities and immaturity. This is mainly encountered en route to finding romantic companionship. It is my belief that it is within the hunt for the conquest of a counterpart that human beings reveal their truest and often most disturbing nature. 

So let’s being with the basics and get one thing straight. Dating is weird, and it’s disgusting. If you think about it, we sloppily woo each other with strange mating ceremonies of awkward coffee shop conversations and uncomfortable one-on-one time that often involves silence and inarticulate sentences. For some reason, attraction just seems to throw the entire human center off balance. Right off the bat, dating in it’s simplest form reveals the ugly paradox of human nature, the desire to be close and discomfort at the thought of it. Introduce the possibility of intimacy and suddenly what seemed to be a potential mate has been reduced to the physical and mental coherency of a beached whale.

So with everyone in this frenzied vulnerable state, rash and often ridiculous decisions are made. In the hunt, dignities are lost and before you know it morals are tossed out the window. This is all a direct result of this one simple and disturbing truth: people are always out to feed their own desire and they’ll keep feeding either until they are full, or until the meal is taken away. Even the most selfless people, when presented with the opportunity to feel loved in some capacity (sexually, emotionally, etc.) from someone they are attracted to in the same capacity, will take it. All the reasons not to, or the people that will be hurt, are just background noises that only come to the foreground when it’s convenient. For example, when the person they are feeding from are no longer interesting to them, or when they have retreated the premise thus deeming the former lover “scum”. This is when the hunter forms sudden apologies to the casualties of the hunt, the people left to the sidelines (former lovers, friends, etc.). The casualties forgive, forget, or both, because by this point, the hunter’s belly has already been filled and it’s too late to take it back, so what difference does it make to the sidelines? The hunger and hurt still remains for them. And the sloppy cycle repeats, but the roles change, and the actors take turns playing each part. And the hunt begins again.

For me, it’s the capacity to turn on friends, to hurt others, in the quest for companionship that disturbs me. It disturbs me to see how easy it is for someone to use and dispose of lovers like napkins; moving from person to person as if it were no big deal, especially when it’s under the fallacy of pure intention and true emotion. It disturbs me to see how easy it is for people to accept easy opportunities even with the knowledge of those whom it may directly hurt. It disturbs me to think about those who happily reside in companionship, knowing that it was at the expense of someone else. It disturbs me to think of how quickly someone can move interest from one person to another. Within weeks, a whole connection is obsolete and full attention is supposedly on someone else.

To me, these are the things that make every human connection seem so fleeting and hollow. These are the things that lessen the meaning of human relationships. These are the things that keep me up at night.

These are the things that leave a bad taste in my mouth.

And it’s fucking disgusting.