I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but humans are strange animals. I was dragged into Church last Sunday (an unfortunate occurrence that happens when my family gets too excited by my presence) when this thought crossed my mind. Now, I usually spend Masses pondering how ridiculous the service is, and how if this wasn’t hammered into our brains as being acceptable, we would probably run away screaming about the wild cult we just attended. And this is a very, very interesting topic, which I’ll probably write about in eloquent length next Sunday.
HOWEVER, this Sunday, I took this idea to a different level and had a little out of body experience, where I suddenly realized from an objective standpoint how overtly weird the human body is. We’re these weird, gangly, two-legged, alien-like entities; Mostly hairless and so grotesquely naked that we clothe ourselves. We look like this, while the majority of the animal kingdom walks on four legs and is covered with hair. And as I’m observing the strangeness of the human body, it occurs to me: this is what I’m attracted to? It’s so weird to think about the features that you find attractive, and then take a step back and wonder what you’d think the same way if you weren’t human yourself. Like, if you just ran into this foreign animal, would you feel the same way? Bizarre.
Just think about that. Shit’s freaky
to let regret sit in my lap” —The Hush Sound
I think there comes a time in life, when you have to recognize your own bullshit. You have to look at yourself and realize you’re exactly the same as the people you criticize. You are just a master of disguise; a master in repression and self-therapy. You are just a creator of a perfect public mask. And even if it cracks from time to time, even if you let someone behind it every so often, the walls still remain up. No one will ever see you completely. No one sees the raging war within your mind while the tears pour out like a waterfall. No one sees the emotions that run through you like a knife over issues that your rational mind pleads is no big deal. You sit there being angry that you’re angry; frustrated that you are even feeling sad at all. Your mind recoils at the emotions it tries to hard to keep at bay. But this mind needs to wrap around the idea, that this is who you are. It needs to recognize that you are an emotional person; You are an animal with a the capacity to feel. But instead, you’re sitting around pretending to have no emotion at all, as if it will make things better. All this does is leave the mind in a constant fight against the boiling emotions of the gut. It’s time to become brutally self-aware. Deconstruct, implode, and rebuild; become at peace with your emotions, and at peace with the smiling face that covers them up.
Humanity i love you
by ee cummings
Humanity i love you because you would rather black the boots of success than enquire whose soul dangles from his watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both parties and because you unflinchingly applaud all songs containing the words country home and mother when sung at the old howard Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your intelligence to buy a drink and when you're flush pride keeps you from the pawn shops and because you are continually committing nuisances but more especially in your own house Humanity i love you because you are perpetually putting the secret of life in your pants and forgetting it's there and sitting down on it and because you are forever making poems in the lap of death Humanity i hate you
And no one should ever feel the
way that I feel now.
A walking open wound,
a trophy display of bruises;
And I don’t believe that
I’m getting any better, any better.” —Dashboard Confessional